I don't like hurting.

I really, really don't.

I really just don't know.

I can't stop biting the insides my of mouth and lips.
I don't know why.
Usually, it's a sign of stress, anxiety, boredom, being nervous, or when I'm thinking deeply.
Can't really be too sure what is the reason behind it as of late..
Senioritis. I never really thought it could get to me, but I think it might be crawling up my spine quicker than expected. I should be doing homework now, Government homework, to be specific, and some Global Area Studies, and a bit of AP Lit. But.. I just don't feel it in me to focus.
It seems my thoughts keep shifting. One moment, I place my attention to how I feel. Sort of blah.. Ugly, as usual. Insecure, self conscious. Then I'm thinking of what my schedule is tomorrow. Let's see..Three tests, I think. GSA meeting..piano lessons I haven't had time to practice for.. Thursday mom wants to take me to get a flu shot.. And I'm deathly afraid of needles. Funny, since I've really been considering getting more ear piercings. Then the five, maybe six day weekend starts for me.
I've been feeling very ordinary and bland. I'm getting tired and bored of myself. Something needs to happen. Either a specific event to heighten my mood, or time needs to go by faster so I can get my hair done again and transform myself over.
I know this is all so silly.. but..I need to focus, so I felt that maybe typing it out would help.
Maybe not.. Either way, I'm still nipping at my cheeks.
This is probably a bad habit.. But, I'm not sure how to stop. Been doing it since like..third grade, I'd guess.
The good thing is, if I feel just horrible, I can try and go back to focusing entirely on TWE.<3
That always helps.. But then, an hour later, maybe more, maybe less, I start to feel so alone..
I need winter break. I need it nowwww.
Ohwell.
I think that's it..
Enjoy?

All I Can Think About..

My mind has been invaded.
Lately, more than ever, I've been concentrating on one thought, and one thought only. One person, to be exact. This isn't a bad thing at all. It keeps me sort of light headed, more than content, and just..lost in a dreamland where everything is perfect, and the future is now. It's very difficult to describe..so I won't even try. But, I've been having small dreams, and a kazillion day dreams that I wish would just come true already.
It's a fact, I know I'm in [blank].
I won't say it until I hear it said first. One person will know what I'm going on about. :] Just one.
Every song I hear, every lovey movie I glance at, every sweet smell, taste, sight.. I picture him.<3
And I can't help it.. It's like a toxin, some poison, is rushing through my veins, triggering such thoughts like a virus, like I was taken away by the Umbrella Corp. from Resident Evil and stuck back in the world with a bug latching on to my heart. o.o'
And I [blank] every moment of this.
Waiting for the future keeps me in agony, though.. It's taking soooooo longgggggg. -Whimper.-
I just hope it is going to be ten times worth the wait than I know it already will be. :]
-sigh.-
I'm definitely in [blank].
Plan, simple, easy as that.

Metamorphisis.

Been finishing up this movie trailer for Adv. TV Production class. We do one every year, and for the past three, I've only done horror film trailers. This time around, I figured I'd try something different completely.
My idea was to make a generic, genuine, cheesy, Pre-teen girl screaming kind of movie. Like mean girls, or She's All That or something.. Storyboarding it out, here is the summary.
Kelly is a nerd. Amongst all of her three high school years, she has only had time to spend with books, and gave up her social life a long time ago. This year, as a senior, she wants to change all that. Bradley Lawrence. Popular, gorgeous, glowing senior boy. Kelly would give anything for him to notice her. Matthew/Matt. Kelly's best friend since first grade, and secret admirer. Although he is reluctant, he will talk to Brad just because he feels it will help Kelly feel better, and possibly make Brad glance once in awhile. Kelly's idea is to transform herself. Undo her tight ponytail, take off her glasses, apply makeup, pick a preppy outfit. Comes back to school, and Bradley notices her. In the scene, she walks up, audience does not see her face, and she greets the boys, Brad and Matt. Brad: "Wow..you look.." Matt: "You..look beautiful." end of trailer. Comes on blurred out face of Kelly smiling, and title appears: Metamorphisis. Coming Soon.

End.

So, that's basically it.
The title fits, I believe. And I will put up the trailer once it's online. I'm pretty proud of it. And yes, I play Kelly. :D OF COURSEEE I DO.
I've been busy with that of late.
Piano lessons tonight. Also a GSA meeting/Gay Straight Alliance meeting.
Hopefully today won't be too bad..

Speaking of metamorphisis. I want to transform myself. Always have wanted to.
So..I'll be taking more drastic measures now.. And will be very strict on myself. I really want the body I dream of having.. and now.
Been pretty stressed out too..just wishing winter break was here already.
/:

Ohwell.
I don't know what else to say..so I guess I won't say anything else.

Cute As Cute Can Be.~

So, ended up not going out last night. o.o'
But it felt great staying home to relax for once.<3 :D
I took a nap, exciting, I know. Then woke up while mom went to church. I decided to watch the movie Princess And The Frog. Yes. That seemingly awful new Disney princess flick.
Well, guess what. It was effing adorable.
It's annoying in some parts, but near the end, I wanted to cry. D: And I did a little bit. xD
There's a song, My Evangeline, near the middle of the film that made me think of the certain boy I have the strongest feelings for at the moment.<3 :] And he knows who he is.~
It really was a cute movie. I even watched it again once mom got home. Since I was charging my iPod and thought I'd sit with her while waiting. Then my mom broke out into tears when it was over, telling me how she loves me, and thanks God every day for me. And that she never thought she could love someone as much as she loves me. It shook me up a little, cause I hate seeing my mom cry, so I was like 'Mooooommm...stoppp...' xD
It was a Lifetime movie moment. fersure.

Afterwards, I ran on our tredmil for only half an hour. Did four and a half miles only. Usually I'll do upto 6..but I want to play Animal Crossing: City Folk. o.o
I haven't played in three weeks, and just as I thought, my town of Brookie had weeds, flowers dying, trash, and my character had bedhead. Not fun. D:
So I played for probably an hour, fixing things up and selling items. AND. I got to listen to K.K. Slider play for the first time in the game. >_< I was like EEEEEEEEEEEEEprivateconcertyeeeah.
xD
It was fun.<3
I love that game.
That, Cooking Mama, Super Marios. Bros Wii, and Super Smash Bros. Brawl are my favorite Wii games.<3

After THAT I went to bed. It was 66 degrees in my house. I. Was. Freezing.
Fell asleep to SNL playing in the background on tv. Great sleep. Even though I had like 6 hours, I feel so awake right now. :D
Oh, AND, had amazing oatmeal for breakfast an hour ago. Had cranberries, almonds, and walnuts. :3 Made by meeee.<3
I'm cool, I know it. ;]]
Today is homework day. And chores day. And shopping day.
So..That'll all be exciting, I'm sure. xD
I don't have much to say now, so..until next entry.~

M. Night Shama..Shamalyanananafiogn?

Has anyone heard or seen anything about that movie, Devil? You've probably seen a trailer on it before. It's the movie with five people in an elevator, elevator gets stuck, lights turn off, girl screams 'Turn on the lights!', girl uses a lighter to see, and the audience turns their attention to a demonic figure behind her, wrapped up in bandages. Seen it, yes?
So, I went to the movies last night, 7:40 to be exact. I like the late shows, actually. If there is one at 10, or 10:40, I would see it over 7pm. But..eh. Anyways. :3 Devil. Went with Ricardo. I had warned Ricardo that I jump/flinch easily in horror/suspense films. That if I get scared, I will curl up in my seat, and block my view a little with my arms. Or look to the corner of the big screen, so I sort of am watching it, but not dead on. This is because I get nightmares VERY easily. And my imagination makes me think fiction is reality at times.
This being said, most of the second half of the movie, I was curled up.
The loud, booming audio made me jump everytime something crashed. Right at the beginning, a body falls from the sky onto a  truck unexpectedly. I must have jumped five feet off my chair. Not really. But you know what I mean. o___o''

Still, Devil was a pretty decent movie. I hated the ending, though. It was happy, and dull. Not like a horror film should be.. so I yawned at it. But, at the end of the film, I had a craving to go to church. o_o So, I will be going to 5pm mass tonight.. xD And then another movie, which I don't know what it'll be just yet..

I have bowling this morning. :] Yep. I'm on a league. Every Saturday at 9. I've been on bowling leagues since I was...probably 5 years old. I'm not bad. I bought a new ball for this season, since my old one was big on my fingers, and tore my skin off a lot. o.o'' Still getting used to this new one, so my scores aren't as good as they usually are. Right now I'm getting 140s and 130s.. I usually get 150s and 160s. Eh. I'm also on a new team this year. All guys, just like my last team, but I like being the only girl in most cases. Like being the only girl drummer. :] It's a proud fact that floats around in my head.

Besides that, nothing much is happening around here. I just finished eating cereal. >_> And my hands are extremely cold.. D:
I had a pleasant dream last night. :] I can't tell you what happened in it, because I can't remember all of it.. xD But I woke up feeling happy.. and shards of the matter still stick in my mind. So..it was just..very warming.<3

It's storming outside right now. o.o' Scaring me a little bit..so..I'mma go. xD
Until next entry. :] ~~~

First Fail.

Here's the thing. I am known amongst my friends, and even people who don't know me that well, to be the Baker. I LOVE love love LOOVVVE baking. ANYTHING. Anything at all. I will bake it. It will taste spectacular. I usually find out my friends' birthdays, put them in my cell phone calender, and ask them 'If you could have one treat in the whole world, what would you want?' They tell me, I make it on their birthday.
I've been friends with this boy Alex since first grade. He's a senior in high school like I am, and is in band, plays the tuba. He's also very much an athletic, where basketball is his forte. Oh, by the way, Alex is somewhere around 6' 11''. Not even kidding. He's a  HUGE Ichabod Crane like character. I've always thought of him as that protagonist from Sleepy Hollow. Lanky is the perfect adjective to apply here.
Anyways, Alex's birthday is on September 28, I found out last year. Put it in my phone, asked him, he says brownies. Easy.
So, come wednesday, I go about things as normal. Band practice at night, ends at 9ish, I get home, stay up late doing homework. All day I said Hey Al to Alex just as a sort of joke. I don't know why..but it made him smile, so I kept doing it. :]
Thursday rolls around. Band, 2nd hour. I come in, listen to our bald, talented, gay band director, who I will refer to as Mister, read off the announcements as usual. Then at the end, he calls out 'Will Alex please stand.' I gasp. Happy Birthday begins to play on the piano, and everyone is singing, making noise and being obnoxious, as it is a tradition in our band. It dawns on me.
I completely forgot Alex's birthday.
How horrible I felt. D:
So, I called out to Alex, kept apologizing, and promised to make him brownies that night.
Fast forward to last night, 7 oclock pm. Finished  filming what I needed for my movie trailer, and started to mix ingredients together for brownie making. Went through all the preparations, and put the pan in the oven. As I come back later, fourty-nine minutes later, to take them out, I think they're fine by the outer appearance.
11pm, come back, check on the brownies and cut them since they're cooled. Start putting them in tuperware containers, and I notice the middle is gooey, and still made up of batter. All this time I was working on homework, and they were still not done. D: Made me want to cry. It was the first time EVER that I had to put a creation back in the oven after I had cut it into portions. So, had to stay up even later and wait for them to heat. I was extremely exhausted though, so I had to just take them out and go to bed. Come next morning, this morning, they are still mostly gooey. I just took the end pieces that had absorbed more heat, and threw out the middles.
It was a horrible horrible fail on my part. T ^T''

SO.
Now, as I sit here typing, watching a recording of a new Big Bang Theory episode, I an waiting for a new batch of turtle brownies to bake.
/:
Doesn't that just make you sad?
I know it probably doesn't..but I felt like writing about it. :]
Anyways, the agenda for today is school, then edit my movie trailer after school. Later, probably going to see Devil with a best friend, Ricardo, who feels he owes me a movie trip since I brought him a gift from Holland, Michigan. Then, tomorrow I will most likely be going to the movies again with other best friend Dan. And then do homework over the weekend. How exciting, I know.

I wish everyone a fantastic weekend. :]
Just in case I don't get on again to make an entry.
:D
Goodbye for today.~